I haven’t blogged for such a long time and have so much to catch up on that I feel we may need to bring in the dreaded bullet points. I know that bullet points are considered lazy writing but I’d like you to take the following into consideration before your put on your lynching cloak with the silver lamé lined hood:

- I’m diabetic
- I just mentioned ‘bullet’ points
- This immediately makes any living human immediately think of chocolate bullets.
- Thinking of chocolate bullets means you must have some.
- Chocolate bullets can put diabetics into a fit of sexy chocolate related orgasmic noises a coma.

So I’m clearly putting my life at risk to bring you up to speed. Ish.

So. Bullet points. In the past four months:

- I’ve settled into my new role at work. I’m no longer a corporate sales Wookiee. I’m now a domains and hosting Wookiee.
- The antidepressant I’m on (Pristiq) was doubled in dosage and after a couple of initially difficult weeks has begun working.
- I shaved my head and my beard stubble at the same time and found out that doing this makes me resemble a surprised gay albino potato.
- I’ve had so many days unaffected by depression I can’t even count them.
- I’ve lost 23 kilos. Partially related to financial difficulties but a welcome loss nonetheless.
- I wrote a complaint letter to the Bank Of Queensland about their service which to date has been read by 1,625 people.
- I went to the movies, in a real live cinema. I saw the Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds is hot was quite good although could have spent more time in his underpants there were some pacing issues.
- I achieved one of my long term goals by cooking something that not only fell into the category of ‘edible’, it also qualified as ‘tasty’.

Although things have certainly been positive, I was a little surprised by the sudden realisation that I actually want to be here. No doubt that’s a strange statement to make, but I’ve spent years not wanting to live. If someone could physically will themselves out of existence I wouldn’t have made it through my thirties. Now I can see a future. I not only want to be here – I want to keep being here.

This means I have a lot of work ahead. I now have to find out how to best enhance the work the drugs are doing so that I have more support in place should my depression return. I was lucky enough to find one that made such a significant change and have also been fortunate to have an employer that was willing to help me when I was struggling with my work. I was at a point in my life where I was depressed, obese, suffering panic attacks, was unhappy in my job, in mountains of debt and had months where I literally thought of suicide every day. Now I’ve got some distance from the depression I finally have the ability to work on everything else. The best way I can put it is that I’m proud of how far I’m come but I’d be lying if I said I was happy about where my life is at. After enjoying the respite of this period I’m ready start moving again. And an important part of this will be the accountability of writing about it.

I’ve also learned something over the past few months that I wanted to share in the hope that it may help someone else.

When you think that nobody could love you, someone does.
When you think that nobody understands, someone will.
When you’re scared that nobody can help, someone can.

Someone does. Someone will. Someone can. Please remember that.